Since any statutes of limitations should have expired by now, I’ll risk confessing to you that we didn’t own a television set when our kids were very young. At times we worried someone might report this neglect to Child Protective Services. But since we didn’t have a TV, some kind soul had pity on our son Alden and gave him a broken remote control to add to the small collection of rocks and sticks his heartless parents had convinced him were actual toys.