“Hi! I’m Robyn Banks from Calvary in Memphis.” It seems like such a simple statement, and it’s how I typically introduce myself to new friends at the Episcopal Communicators conference each year. Yet for the past two years, it has been incredibly hard to say. After my husband Bill died in December of 2022, I went from being a very extroverted person to extremely introverted. Whereas once I would stroll into the opening reception for the conference and strike up a conversation with the first person I encountered, I found myself entering the space and immediately scanning the room for someone I knew…someone I didn’t have to be “on” with.
Grief is weird that way—it changes you in ways you didn’t ask for or even want. I loved being an extrovert. I got so much energy from being around people. But, post-Bill’s death, the idea of walking into a room of people almost paralyzed me. Even at places like Calvary. Even knowing and loving so many people here, it was nearly impossible for me to stay for coffee hour or attend events. And I hated that. I felt like a part of my identity had been taken away.
But you all were patient with me. And I kept showing up, standing in corners or immediately walking up to a close friend and staying there. And at a painstakingly slow pace, it got better. One thing (of many!) I have learned about grief is that if I keep showing up, keep going through the motions even when I don’t want to or don’t find meaning in them, things get easier. Showing up for worship when I couldn’t say the words felt strange at first. But you all kept saying them for me. And then one day, I was able to say the words and sing the hymns. Because of this community.
So, when I walked into the opening reception of this year’s conference and introduced myself to someone new, I surprised myself. I felt like me again in a way I hadn’t for over three years. I went on to make two other new friends, and we all went to dinner. It may sound like a small thing, but it was a big milestone on my grief journey.
Grief is slow work, and the results of that work can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
The rest of the conference was meaningful in other ways, too. I attended workshops, listened to thoughtful speakers, and spent time with colleagues whose creativity and faith continually inspire me. At the Polly Bond Awards dinner—which celebrates excellence in Episcopal communications—I was honored to receive Awards of Excellence for Calvary’s Sunday bulletin and weekly e-Pistle newsletter, as well as an honorable mention for the Chronicle.
These awards remind me that even in the harder seasons of life, God is still at work through community, vocation, and the act of showing up. But the work being recognized was never mine alone. Calvary understands communication as ministry, and my colleagues and this community have walked alongside me for 21 years, especially these past three. I am deeply grateful to serve a parish that not only proclaims God’s love, but lives it so fully. Thank you for making God’s love visible in downtown Memphis—and visible in such amazing ways for me.
Robyn, you inspire so many of us without even knowing it. Thanks for all that you do for us.
Thank you, Betsy. That is so kind. I feel so lucky to get to do what I do here at Calvary.
What a tender and insightful post. Thanks for being so open to sharing your journey. As Betsy says, you are inspiring people without even knowing it. xoxo
Thank you, Leanne. I’ve found grief is better shared.
Robyn, this is a beautiful and reflective piece and I’m honored to read it. And honored to call you a friend.
Thank you for reading, Ashley. I am honored to call you friend, too!
Robyn, thank you for your important words. I can empathize with you too as I move through a period of grief and understanding. I want to say that it does get easier, time and friends are certainly good healers.
Again thank you for your words and your important position of information. It is certainly appreciated.
Thank you, Rick. I appreciate you!
I honor your persistence and your courage, Robyn. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Candace. I’ve found grief is better shared.
This is beautiful and thank you!
Thank you for reading, Christina!
Lovely words, thank you for sharing. God has your hand and Calvary stands behind you. Thank you for your service.
Thank you, Thomas. Glad to be on the journey together at Calvary!
Robyn Banks what you have done with your life and
your daughter is extraordinary! What a great example you are for anyone that knows your story! Thank you for this
writing and just being who you are!
Thanks, Greta…it is because of friends like you!
Dearest Robin, your story is heartbreaking and so very heartening. I can’t say I sympathize because I can’t. Loosing parents and other extended family members is hard. But a spouse or child (no matter their age) is unfathomable to me. You are a precious witness to me. God Bless!
Linda, you are a precious witness to me, too! Glad to be part of the same Calvary community!
Dearest Robyn,
I just love how honestly you speak your journey through the 3 yrs. I know that for me( during covid), this extravert became an introvert too. This was strange but understandable. Grief surprises us. You have been on my mind so often lately. I love seeing you when I’m
At Calvary and I feel the feelings with you as a widow myself. There is a comfort somehow. This is a great blog and thank you for sharing.
Zada, I love hearing shared experiences and love seeing you at Calvary! Thank you for being part of this community.
This was so special and helpful. You make such an impact on all of us at Calvary. We appreciate you and know that healing is a process that truly never ends. Maybe it just gets easier to live with. Much love.
Thank you, Claudia! It is definitely a process.
Robyn,
Calvary provides comfort and respite for so many of us. And YOU provide the essential information so we know where and when to show up! It is a pleasure to watch Emma grow. In short, your extended family here at Calvary will support you as long as you need us. Love – always.
Thanks, Nancy! I will always need y’all!
Robyn- thanks for this beautiful, heartfelt share. 🤍
Thanks for all you do for us at Calvary.
Blessings for you and your Emma.
Thanks for reading, Mary!
Robyn, thank you for your courageous, sincere, beautiful reflection. You not only showed up but shined a gentle, compassionate light for all of us to see ourselves and each other in calvary community.
Thank you, Bill. The Calvary community is a special one! Glad to be part of it with you!
❤️Thank you.
Thanks for reading, Patti!
Robyn, I am so proud as your mother of the strength and courage you have shown as your experience your journey. Love you lots.
Thanks, mom…love you, too!
Robyn,
You are a very strong person and thanks for sharing this, and for being such a great example of following The Way. This is why we all cherish our Calvary community.
Everyone wrote such well-deserved and sincere
comments that it’s difficult for me to add to them. But I can say that I’ve seen you show such courage, strength and perseverance that had to be hard to muster. It’s so good to hear that you felt a new openness at the recent conference. Thank you for sharing such personal reflections.
I love you and am so grateful that you are in my tribe.